The Invisible Interoception Struggle: Understanding Children Who Can't Express Their Feelings

Jas Gill

May 1

3 min read

A child sits quietly in class. The room hums with the usual sounds: pencils scratching, chairs shifting, soft whispers. At first glance, everything seems normal. But something has shifted. Their shoulders are tighter, their body less at ease. They don’t raise their hand as they usually do. Their eyes scan the page, but their mind is elsewhere. You notice this subtle change and ask, “Are you okay?” They look up puzzled and say, “I’m fine.” They truly mean it.

Eye-level view of a child sitting quietly at a classroom desk with a pencil and notebook, shoulders slightly tense — A child sitting quietly at a classroom desk, showing subtle signs of tension

This moment can feel confusing. You see something is different, but the child can’t explain what’s wrong. Your instinct is to help—offer a break, suggest water, ask again what’s bothering them. All of this comes from care. Yet, something important can be missed. The child hasn’t connected the feeling inside their body to a clear meaning yet.

The Gap Between Feeling and Understanding

Inside their body, a child might feel a tightness in their chest, a heaviness in their stomach, or restless buzzing energy in their limbs. These sensations don’t immediately translate into words like nervousness, frustration, or overwhelm. There is a space between the feeling and the understanding—a space where something is present but remains unclear.

Noticing comes before understanding.

For some children, this gap is even more pronounced. This is sometimes described as alexithymia—difficulty noticing, understanding, or describing internal feelings.

It doesn’t mean the feeling isn’t there. It means the connection isn’t there yet.

As Kelly Mahler, OT, explains, interoception is our ability to notice what’s happening inside our body. She shares a story of a child who woke up feeling like “heavy jugs” were sitting on their stomach. At first, the child didn’t understand this sensation. Later, they realized it was their body signalling the need to use the bathroom. The feeling was always there; the meaning came later.

This is what “I don’t know” can look like. Not avoidance. Not shutting down. Just a child who hasn’t yet connected the dots between their body’s signals and what they mean.

Slowing Down the Moment

So what happens if we slow that moment down instead of moving past it? You sit beside them instead of sending them away. I notice your shoulders look a bit tight. They shrug. You wait. What does your body feel like right now? I don’t know. That’s okay.

You don’t push for more. You don’t rush to fix it. You stay there, just long enough for them to begin noticing. The body often knows first. The words come later. This is the space we’re working in. Not changing the feeling. Not fixing it. But helping the child begin to notice it.

Where the Resource Comes In

This is where a simple tool can help. What Does My Body Feel Like? resource gives children a way to explore what they’re noticing—without needing to explain it right away.

They can:

Worksheet titled "What Is My Body Telling Me?" with activities like coloring a body map, assessing feelings, and noting body sensations.

• mark where they feel something in their body

• use simple words like tight, heavy, or buzzy

• notice how big it feels

Over time, this becomes a bridge. From body… to meaning… to connection. It also creates a shared language, so the child can begin to connect what they’re feeling with you—as a parent, educator, or caregiver. Not all at once. But over time.

Why Repetition Matters

What matters most is not getting it right. It’s coming back to it. Again and again.

A child might not say anything the first time. The next time, they might point. Later, they might begin to name something. That’s the work. Awareness builds through repetition.

Through small, consistent moments of noticing.Through being given the time and space to feel something without having to explain it right away.

What Begins to Change

Over time, something starts to shift. The tight feeling becomes familiar. The heaviness shows up in certain moments. The buzzing comes before something bigger. And slowly, meaning begins to form.

A Quiet Reflection

And maybe the most important part—this isn’t just about children.

When someone asks you, are you okay? How often do you say I’m fine… before you’ve actually noticed what’s happening inside your own body? The work is the same.

Pause. Notice. Stay for a moment. Let it make sense in its own time.